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My Children

For the Parents **notes to bring home**

Date: Saturday, 19 February 2011
Time: 9am to 12pm
Venue: Maris Stella High School AVA Theatrette, Level 6
Topic: Boosting Your Child’s Self-Esteem
Speaker: Dr Agnes Tan

It was heart-warming to see many fathers come to attend parenting talk. Goh was one of them. Fathers understand that they are the role model of their sons, especially in their teenage years when guidance is needed. Parenting is not solely mother’s responsibility.

Being a mother for 14 years, attended numerous talks, I have to admit I am still learning. Like today’s topic, I thought I know what it is about. In fact, my understanding of self-esteem is the surface only. There are areas which I have misperception.

Thanks Dr Agnes Tan for sharing her experience, especially how she supports her daughter Sarah’s ambition to become a baker and what motivates Sarah to learn French. Sarah’s culinary skill and love for baking was obvious. The ginger bread, cookies, muffin in the photos look very attractive. The talk was great to address what self-esteem is and what it is not. I was surprise that people can come out with “innovative” way of putting people down: peanut brain, “Where were you when God gave the brains? In the toilet?”

Both Goh and I like the humourous examples. We just paid $8 for couple (heavily subsidised by MCYS).

What we took home was definitely priceless.

Go to http://www.tacmovie.com The best part is towards the end 03:50. I couldn’t attach the link.

Video: Cat’s in the Cradle , Harry Chapin (so meaningful)


“Perhaps the greatest social service that can be rendered by anybody to the country and to mankind is to bring up a family” ***George Bernard Shaw***

What is self-esteem?
Feeling good about oneself and valuing who you are.

What influences development of self-esteem?

High self-esteem
– Having confidence that comes from inside
– being able to accept responsibility for yourself
– not having to be perfect
– think well of yourself
– not easily influenced by outside forces
– allow self-disclosure in an appropriate setting

Low self-esteem
(1) Shy, insecure, timid
– overly concerned about how people view him
– discouraged easily
– quiet, very obedient, anxious, nervous
– insists in determining our effectiveness as people

(2) Rebellious, disruptive, bully, problem kid

Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development
http://www.devpsy.org/teaching/parent/baumrind_styles.html

What NOT to base self-esteem on – 4Bs
Brains
Brawn
Beauty
Big bucks

What kind of person do you want your child to be as he grows up?
A person with moral intelligence:
Forgiveness
Integrity
Responsibility
Empathy

Our role as parents
1) Be a good parent
Do you like yourself?

Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.
***James A. Baldwin***

Video: Dad, I am watching you (Our role as parents)

2) Use positive words.

Video: I Not Stupid 2

Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

3) Spend time
Your children need your presence more than your presents. ~Jesse Jackson

4) Teach
Character
Social skills
Life skills
Study skills

We should spend less time ranking children and more time helping them to identify their natural competencies and gifts and cultivate these. There are hundreds and hundreds of ways to succeed and many, many different abilities that will help you get there.
*** by Howard Gardner **

Some ways of Improving self-esteem
1 – Be aware of how you talk to yourself. Make sure this talk is positive.
2 – Do not try to change others, change yourself.
3 – Spend time with people who nourish your self-esteem and their own.
4 – Look for good things in people and situations. Learn from everyone/everything.
5 – Don’t compare yourself with others all the time.
6 – Learn to accept and appreciate compliments graciously

Be realistic about what you can do
– career path
– life-long learning
– Attitude, skills, knowledge

Video: The Mom Song


Thanks dear for accompanying me to the talk. I appreciate your effort and we grow intellectually.

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About Pamela's Online Journal

Working mother of 3 boys, loves travelling & writing.

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