I found a good book: Life’s Greatest Expectation by Hal Urban ISBN 0-7432-7417-2
chapter 2: Life is Hard…and Not Always Fair has the answer:
“Life is a series of problems. Do we want to moan about them or solve them?” ****M Scott Peck***
One of Life’s Most Valuable Lessons
Life doesn’t always work the way we’d like it to. If we had our way it would be easier, consistently fair, and more fun. There’d be no pain and suffering, we wouldn’t have to work, and we wouldn’t have to die. We’d be happy all the time. Unfortunately, we don’t get our way We get reality instead. But reality is a great teacher. It helps us learn, although often slowly and painfully, some of life’s most valuable lessons. One of them is this: The world will not devote itself to making us happy.
Whether we like it or not, this is one of life’s great truths, one of our first and most valuable lessons in reality. Philosophers have argued for thousands of years as to why life works the way it does, but that’s not our concern. Our concern is how it works. If we don’t understand and accept life as it is, we’ll keep wishing for something else and never get it. We’ll keep complaining and whining about the way things should be but never will be….Once we understand that the world won’t devote itself o making us happy, we begin to accept that responsibility for ourselves.
Life is Hard
…….. The first three words in psuchiatrist M Scott Peck’s highly acclaimed book The Road Less Traveled are “Life is difficult.” Peck calls this one of the greatest truths because once we understand and accept it, we can live more effectively. Instead of moaning about our problems, we can look for ways to solve them. One of the main differences between those who succeed and those who fail can be found in how they approach life’s difficulties. Failures try either to avoid their problems or to work around them. Successful people accept them and work through them, even when it includes some suffering. It’s this process of meeting our problems head-on and looking for solutions that gives life meaning.
The problem with too many people, regardless of age, is that they either don’t understand or don’t accept the fact that life involves a certain amount of hardship. They fight against it instead of adjusting to it. They grumble and complain, both to themselves and others, about the magnitude of their problems. They talk as if their difficulties are unique, and seem to feel that life is easier for everyone else. Complaining doesn’t make problems go away. It only makes them worse, because it has a magnifying effect. Complaining is an attempt to unload our problems on others, a way of refusing to accept conditions of life.
….We begin to understand that every problem is also an opportunity. It is then that we dig down and discover what we’re made of. We begin to accept the challenges of life. Instead of letting our hardships defeat us, we welcome them as a test of character. We use them as a means of rising to the occasion.
At the same time, we need to understand that society bombards us daily with messages that are quite the opposite. To begin with, technology has provided us with push-button living. We can open the garage door, cook dinner, wash the dishes, record our favourite TV programs and pay our bills by simply pushing the right buttons. In addition, we’re told over and over that there’s a quick and easy way to do just about everything…Within just the past few days, I’ve read or heard that you can lose a hundred pounds , make a million dollars in real estate. You can do all of these in a matter of days, and with little or no effort. And pigs can fly.
Those ads are all around us because the people in advertising and marketing have a good understanding of human behaviour. They know that most people don’t accept life as hard and will continue to look for the quick and easy way instead. …successful people accept life as it is. Part of that is understanding that things worth achieving don’t come quickly or easily. They come with price. They come as the result of time, effort, sacrifice, and pain. Because life is hard.
AND IT’S NOT ALWAYS FAIR
…..Unfortunately, life isn’t always fair. It’s probably the most painful truth we have to learn and the hardest to accept. Bad things do happen to good people – sometimes to others, sometimes to us. In addition, we see good things happen to people who don’t deserve that, either. As it says in the Bible, the sun rises upon evil men as well as good, and it rains upon the honest and dishonest alike. It’s no wonder we hear ourselves saying, “It isn’t fair.” Sometimes it’s hard to make sense out of the world.
……”Pain is inevitable, but miseryb is optional.” We can avoid misery be developing constructive ways of facing up to the pain life deals us. We can resolve that we won’t let it destroy us, that we will accept it as a reality of life and even grow from it.
Benjamin Franklin wrote, “Those things that hurt, instructs.” Maybe that’s why it’s often said that some of life’s most painful lessons are also the most valuable….
We live in an imperfect world with other imperfect people. No one can promise us safety or total control. But we’re not alone. Every living person shares the same predicament. Every living person encounters unfairness and suffers the hurt and loss which come with it. It’s not question of whether they experience these things, but how they experience them. The people who succeed in life don’t escape unfairness. They just learn to accept it and manage it more constructively.
…. (skip EVERYDAY COURAGE)…
“If I were asked to give what I consider the single most useful bit of advice for all humanity it could be this: Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and when it comes, hold your head high, look it squarely in the eye, and say, “I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me.” * Ann Landers *